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Farting We all do it!
- Thread starter Staz
- Start date
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lol the sleeping fart. I like to get the wife when she is sleeping.
Step 1. Drink a protein shake before bed time
Step 2. Get to bed early
Step 3. Wake up early
Step 4. Pull comforter over spouses head and then let em rip (commonly referred to as hot boxing or the dutch oven)
Step 5. laugh as she attempts to escape the foulness of protein fart to no avail.
Step 1. Drink a protein shake before bed time
Step 2. Get to bed early
Step 3. Wake up early
Step 4. Pull comforter over spouses head and then let em rip (commonly referred to as hot boxing or the dutch oven)
Step 5. laugh as she attempts to escape the foulness of protein fart to no avail.
My best one ever....We were going off shore to fish early one morning before daylight and we were easing up to Ft Pickens to go throw the net off the pier for bait, so we are at a slow idle coming up on the beach. The boat we're on is a true cuddy cabin, not a walk around, and the only access to the front deck is a flip up hatch in the roof of the cabin, a very small cabin. I, being the one who was going to jump down to the beach and secure the boat, am standing on the cabin bunks with my upper half out of the hatch on the front deck, one buddy is driving and another guy is getting his tackle ready and has come into the cabin and is sitting in there digging through a tackle box, this by default put his head closer to my back side than he probably would have preferred, but its tight quarters and you make due. So we're a few yards from the beach and I'm waiting until we hit bottom to hop out, because we are moving forward there is a slight breeze flowing down the hatch and through the cabin. It's now that I feel that rumble in the deep gut, and I let one ride, it wasn't loud, he never heard it, but I will tell you, it was a burner, and there's only one way this is going to turn out. I turned and caught the attention of the guy behind the windshield driving and give him a big smile and a knowing nod. He looks at me confused, puts his hand up and mouths the word "what?" About that time it happened, it was like a huge caged animal trying to find his way out of that cabin, he beat the shit out of himself and everything in there looking for the door and fresh air, he wasn't out the door yet when the dry heaving started. When he got to the deck he leaned over the side and, I don't know how long he heaved, I was crying, rolled up in a ball laughing on the front deck, I thought I might die if I couldn't stop laughing and breath, the driver was crying laughing and the victim couldn't even talk without dry heaving. He was pissed at me until I reminded him that this was a retribution for something that he had done on another fishing trip. It's not a fart story, but I think it would fit into this thread just fine, I'll have to tell that one later.
Idoono
Master
I cried real tears on that one. Hell my dogs even came in to see wth was going on.
Idoono
Idoono
Wasn't my fart, but I was there and the story is mine to tell...
I had an absolute badass for a drill instructor...Drill Sergeant Laska. He was a walking advertisement for John Wayne toilet paper, man. He was rough, tough, and didn't take shit off ANYONE. And as privates, we feared this guy more than death.
Anyway, we were seated in class and intensely focused on Sgt. Laska and his instruction. Out of nowhere, a commotion began quietly and developed into disruptive choking and coughing. What had happened was blatantly obvious as the rectal stench permeated the air of the stuffy 95 degree metal shack we were all trapped in.
Sgt. Laska stopped his lesson abruptly, stared every one of us down and pursed his lips in preparation for the launch of a verbal assault. I for one, was sure that death by PT was certain and drawing dangerously close.
White knuckled and awaiting Sgt. Laska's punishment, he forcefully ordered a pvt to go open the door and stand by. Commanding the room to attention, he ordered us to "inhale with great fortitude and right face..."
At this moment all I can think is that this guy is certifiable; Crazy as a shithouse rat. Not only is he gonna PT us til we drop, but were gonna have to do it with the smell of some unknown Bravo Foxtrot's putrid posterior region stuck in our snot lockers. I was NOT happy.
So he orders us to attention and commands us to suck up the nasty fart and right face- then he pauses for a few seconds and says with a chuckle and a smile, "now bloooooooooow that fart outta here!"
I had an absolute badass for a drill instructor...Drill Sergeant Laska. He was a walking advertisement for John Wayne toilet paper, man. He was rough, tough, and didn't take shit off ANYONE. And as privates, we feared this guy more than death.
Anyway, we were seated in class and intensely focused on Sgt. Laska and his instruction. Out of nowhere, a commotion began quietly and developed into disruptive choking and coughing. What had happened was blatantly obvious as the rectal stench permeated the air of the stuffy 95 degree metal shack we were all trapped in.
Sgt. Laska stopped his lesson abruptly, stared every one of us down and pursed his lips in preparation for the launch of a verbal assault. I for one, was sure that death by PT was certain and drawing dangerously close.
White knuckled and awaiting Sgt. Laska's punishment, he forcefully ordered a pvt to go open the door and stand by. Commanding the room to attention, he ordered us to "inhale with great fortitude and right face..."
At this moment all I can think is that this guy is certifiable; Crazy as a shithouse rat. Not only is he gonna PT us til we drop, but were gonna have to do it with the smell of some unknown Bravo Foxtrot's putrid posterior region stuck in our snot lockers. I was NOT happy.
So he orders us to attention and commands us to suck up the nasty fart and right face- then he pauses for a few seconds and says with a chuckle and a smile, "now bloooooooooow that fart outta here!"
