Farting We all do it!

[helo_hunter]

I deployed twice on WESPACs in the mighty Sea Knight.
We always stopped in the Phillipines en route to the Indian Ocean and were coming out of the IO.
PI isn't a bad liberty port but it was warm year round. Being a pilot, I quickly learned that above 3000 feet, it would cool off nice. Well, the aircrew loved San Miguel beer and it seemed every flight, at least one had had a balut (egg buried for a month). In the H-46 helo, air flow was from the main cabin to the cockpit. As we flew up to the cooler air, the lower air pressure would cause the farts to flow. The mixture of the San Maguel and balut was enough to have the pilots trying to climb out the cockpit windows!!

 

[gendoc]

what made the event truly special was that as we exited the elevator two fine southern ladies were waiting to enter and the last thing I heard as the door closed was 'OH MY GOD!' words that make me smile to this day. uke::yield:

PRICELESS...........................................................:first::rockon:eace:

 

[Staz]

So had to administer an APFT this morning during the sit-up event had a joe let one rip right in the face of the person that was holding his ankles down. No wind the guy holding the ankles tried to just turn his head but it was to no avail he had to sit with that fart lingering for about minute and a half lol! Back blast area not clear, you gotta breath!

 

[Crazydoc68]

So had to administer an APFT this morning during the sit-up event had a joe let one rip right in the face of the person that was holding his ankles down. No wind the guy holding the ankles tried to just turn his head but it was to no avail he had to sit with that fart lingering for about minute and a half lol! Back blast area not clear, you gotta breath!

That's honestly the worst. And you can't even try to leave the "back blast" area. Morning farts always seem to be the worst too!

 

[Staz]

Lol yeah and the guy that let it rip drinks lots of protein shakes lol!

 

[Staz]

It could have been worse though seen guys on runs shit themselves after trying to let a beer fart go.

 

[Choppersled]

I can't claim this as my own but it trumps any of my personal endeavors. My partner at work was in the military years ago. In his travels he passed through Paris as a tourist. One morning after a night of boozing and eating God knows what kind of rich French meals he wanted to take a tour of the Eiffel Tower. I'm sure folks here can attest to this, apparently on the tower elevator they pack folks in very tight. After getting into the elevator packed with folks he felt the mighty squeeze of lower abdominal discomfort. He leaked out a sizzling SBD and within seconds every person on the elevator was choking and gasping for air. He said it took everything he had not to break down in fits of laughter, but after the doors opened there was a mass exodus of sorts. He tells it better than I can, but damn it still makes me laugh! My personal best was during my senior year in woodshop on a Monday morning. I had partied all weekend when my folks were out of town and my virgin guts were no match for fried food and cheap gas station beer. One good SBD and the poor student teacher was opening windows and attempting to find the culprit.

 

[donr101395]

I about killed a lady at the Strand Palace hotel in London. I was in the elevator by myself and let one rip. It was bad enough that I decided I needed to get out of the elevator for my own good. The elevator stopped on the third floor and I got out. As I got out a lady got on and as I'm watching the doors close she was frantically trying to make the doors open I assume so she could get out of the funk cloud. I would have felt bad if I weren't laughing so hard. It's a pretty fancy hotel(rooms start at $400 a night) and I don't think the average guest there is used to my heathen ways.

 

[Hipower]

Years ago traveling through Richmond, VA had occasion to visit a pet store with my parents on the way home from vacation. We were looking for a toy for our family pet. I wandered around the store looking at many items. Let one rip here. Let one rip over there. I knew someone would catch on sooner or later so I mentioned to the parental units I would wait outside in the car. On my way out I heard the saleslady holler to the back for someone to come out and see if one of the dogs had gotten loose in the store and left a sample on the floor. It was all I could do not to bust out laughing out the door. I then heard later about how the other store employee looked all over the store but never could find the dog sample they were sure was there.

 

[Rebuilt]

Some years back they used to do Mudd Boggs and drags out at the fair grounds. You could back your truck up to the fence and sit on the tailgate to watch the trucks race. I was purched on top of an empty cooler when I let a almighty blast go. The reverb off of the empty cooler was enough that even over the sound of high rpm Chevy small blocks it was heard. Not just by my group but also my the guy three trucks down who jumped up and yelled "damn son that had to leave a mark"


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[DSPLCD1]

So the ole lady (70's) in front of me in the check out at Walmart today was eating peanuts while waiting to pay and I smell this horrendous odor, gag a bit and she says Xcuse me honey but peanuts make me gassy.. WTH??

 

[gunnerxxx]

NOT A FART BUT CLOSE!
Here goes... Once my wife, sister in law, brother in law, and I decided to rent a condo on PCB for new years. We spent the night eating spicy foods, seafood, and lots of drinking dark beer. The next morning I took a shit and "OH MY GOD!". We opened the front door and the balcony door to let the stinch out. The folks in the next room complained about the odor. The staff showed up and made sure the plumbing wasn't backing up. By this time I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. At checkout you could still smell the odor and they charged me for disinfecting the room.

 

[Seanpcola]

Another sort of related story.

Myself and two buddies took our Freightliner toterhome to Champaigne, IL for a meet a few years ago. I spent a lot of time cleaning, prepping and stocking the motorhome but forgot to dump the black water holding tank. We pull out of Pensacola around 3:00 AM and about 10 minutes into the trip Rusty mentions that he can smell the odor coming from the toilet. I, nor our other buddy could smell it but Rusty is sensitive to that sort of thing and I agreed it should have been dumped for the trip. So, we make it to the first rest area on I-65N after the Flomaton exit where they have a free dump station. I pull up, jump out, open the hatch and start uncoiling the hose from storage. Rusty insists he should do it and I question him on his knowledge of the system. He assures me he has it under control so I head up to the front storage to get him my special gloves reserved for that particular operation. Before I can get back he plugs in the hose but doesn't twist the lock, and yanks the valve open. We're now 90 miles from home, its about 5:30 AM and Rusty is standing there with sewage splattered all over his shirt, arms, shoes and pants.

Much cussing, cleaning, showering, bagging of soiled clothes, unpacking of fresh outerwear and ridiculing of Rusty's camping skills ensued.:tape2:

 

[Staz]

Some really good tales I think Im going to film my next SBD and post it so all can view the after effects

 

[Seanpcola]

Do it. Please.

 

[ksenter]

fresh out of high school I went to George Stone for criminal justice. About a week into training we had our first PT day. At this time I was pretty fit, working out daily, working a construction job (installing alarms, pulling wire, etc), yadda yadda. About 15 minutes into PT we were instructed on how to "properly do a situp". Well, he may have been right. About the 3rd sit-up my stomach erupted. It was so loud it echoed off the gym walls, which was awesome because somehow it helped mask the direction of the sound....but good god not the odor. The most foul stench wafted out of me and floated around the gym with some quickness. As it reached the commander, he jumped up and directed the class outside for a run in the "fresh air".

Still to this day I cry laughing at myself on that one. Jebus Crist its one of the funniest farts ever.

 

[donr101395]

Nooooooooooo. I have it on good authority that girls / women do not.

What? My wife SWEARS they don't - its just random pockets of swamp gas that we keep finding.

Yea, my wife don't fart either, but we have the gassiest cat on the planet according to her anyways.

 

[Staz]

Ok so today I was at the Tom Thumb grabbing an Arizona Green Tea and a lotto ticket so as I am waiting in line this lady and her small child (5-6 years old) get in line behind me. Well all of a sudden the little boy shouts out "Mommy you farted!" I had heard wind broken but assumed it was the child but he totally dimed out his mom, I am pretty sure she had been crop dusting the store. She was red in the face though after her son revealed her poor attempt at SBD and gave him "the look" poor kid lol

 

[Seanpcola]

Somebody got dat ass beat. Poor kid.

I read the first line: "So today I was at Tom Thumb".and thought "you might be a redneck". That sounds like the way I start my day. Sort of a early morning social club.

 

[donr101395]

Ok so today I was at the Tom Thumb grabbing an Arizona Green Tea and a lotto ticket so as I am waiting in line this lady and her small child (5-6 years old) get in line behind me. Well all of a sudden the little boy shouts out "Mommy you farted!" I had heard wind broken but assumed it was the child but he totally dimed out his mom, I am pretty sure she had been crop dusting the store. She was red in the face though after her son revealed her poor attempt at SBD and gave him "the look" poor kid lol

My youngest daughter when she was about 6 went through a phase of diming herself out. She would let one rip and then loudly proclaim "I farted". Then she dimed the wife out at the grocery store; "Mommy, you farted. I know because I didn't fart and my farts don't smell as bad as your farts." My wife said she wanted to just fade into the tile floor.