Farting We all do it!

[Staz]

Lets hear some funny stories of crop dusting. Has their been a time where you let one rip and stood back silently chuckling about the after effects of your silent yet deadly present. Let em rip!

 

[donr101395]

My daughter's used to hate going out shopping with me because I would randomly let a loud one rip then look at one of them and say "(Insert name), excuse yourself, that's nasty." and then walk away. It's anyone's guess how they grew up to live normal healthy lives.

 

[Seanpcola]

My daughter's used to hate going out shopping with me because I would randomly let a loud one rip then look at one of them and say "(Insert name), excuse yourself, that's nasty." and then walk away. It's anyone's guess how they grew up to live normal healthy lives.

Those are horrible parenting skills donr. You should be ashamed!


Always blame them on your wife.

 

[Loki]

Nooooooooooo. I have it on good authority that girls / women do not.

What? My wife SWEARS they don't - its just random pockets of swamp gas that we keep finding.

 

[donr101395]

Those are horrible parenting skills donr. You should be ashamed!


Always blame them on your wife.

Oh hell no, I didn't want the kids to cook dinner and do "other wifey things". LOL

Besides for the wife I would wait until we were in the bra section and then put a bra on my head with the cups over my ears and act like I was a B29 gunner wearing a leather flying helmet. :bounce:

 

[The Pitt]

I was on the way to Afghanistan and we had a day and a half stop at Mildenhall England. With the extra time we took off on a trip to London and road around the Tube (what they call the public transport train) sight seeing and doing all the touristy stuff. At one point we entered a train car that was packed, every seat was taken and we were standing shoulder to shoulder. Following my handful of friends, I was the last person to board before the doors closed. Almost immediately after they shut I let my silent but deadly flatulence escape. I knew it was gonna be bad after letting one rip earlier in the day. The poor lady sitting at the seat closest to me and the door started rubbing her nose slightly like to brush something away but with the obvious look of disgust I knew exactly what was going on. She was a trooper and tried to play it off. I could smell it stinging the nostrils a little and was honestly surprised nobody else had caught on. Suddenly friend one, who was standing on the other side of friend two, said to him "OMG DUDE two! Did you shit your pants!". Friend two starts frantically denying it and I bust out laughing. At this point Im crying and friend one says "PITT that was you! WTF dude!" I cant speak because Im honestly dying at this point and the lady sitting there facing me now has her face in her shirt trying to escape the smell. Everyone on the train is looking at me with a face of disgust and all I could think about is all these English folks are probably thinking "F'ing Americans".

I laugh to myself everytime it gets brought up at work or I tell the story.

 

[RackinRay]

Not an SBD, but one time on the night before a fishing trip we were working on tackle and drinking some Tequila chasing it with Asahi Beer. We were snacking on smokey joe sausage and pickled eggs.

The next morning my fishing partner was loading and mounting the motor into the jon boat and I was loading the tackle and the ice chest. As I bent over to sit the ice chest full of ice, beverages, and food in the middle of the jon boat stomach pressure suddenly spiked as the weight pulled my torso over, releasing a long bllllaaatttttt of gas.

The stench was immediate and I started gagging. It was one of those dead calm mornings and the invisible cloud of putrid gas slowly expanded. I was able to back off the boat and my partner tried to make a break by dashing to the shore, only to start violent coughing and gagging as he entered the cloud deeper.

He retreated to the farthest point in the boat, ending up leaning out as far as he could over the motor gagging while I cheered, "puke, puke; my fart never made anyone puke before!" He avoided puking, but swears it was a close thing for several minutes as it seemed to take forever for the cloud to disperse!

 

[Staz]

That is awesome Pitt! I tip my hat sir well done.

 

[Staz]

Ok so at my buddies house watching Super Bowl he is sitting on his lazy boy with a blanket his dog Lucky is under the blanket sitting on his lap. Well during halftime my buddy lifts his leg and rips one mighty of a fart. 10 seconds after letting rip Lucky crawls out from under the blanket jumps onto the ground and throws up! I was crying from laughing so hard that fart was terrible but the idea that he could make an animal who licks his own butt heave speaks volumes.

 

[Seanpcola]

Ok so at my buddies house watching Super Bowl he is sitting on his lazy boy with a blanket his dog Lucky is under the blanket sitting on his lap. Well during halftime my buddy lifts his leg and rips one mighty of a fart. 10 seconds after letting rip Lucky crawls out from under the blanket jumps onto the ground and throws up! I was crying from laughing so hard that fart was terrible but the idea that he could make an animal who licks his own butt heave speaks volumes.

Someone should call the ASPCA.

 

[DSPLCD1]

I couldn't here what was said, I just farted........

 

[loadtoad1a7]

I was stationed at Dyess AFB when I was an airmen and every morning we had roll call in the hanger. One morning during roll call I let a SBD rip and cleared the area we were formed up in. Had to be one of the best SBD I have ever had.

 

[Snow Bird]

No body got a farted in church yet or in your space suit story?

 

[Seanpcola]

No body got a farted in church yet or in your space suit story?

Uhhhhh, we don't fart in church down here in the South Birdman.lane:

 

[Snow Bird]

Oooooook

 

[donr101395]

Uhhhhh, we don't fart in church down here in the South Birdman.lane:

I can think of a few people down here that didn't get that memo.

 

[Welldoya]

I used to work with a guy who was notorious for letting one rip just before he got out of the elevator . So the other one or two people in there immediately became the likely suspects as they went on up and other people got on.

 

[FUPAGUNT]

This thread makes me think of a site I came across one day a few years back. I almost pizzed myself at some of the shit (pun intended) in the Stories section. www.poopreport.com

 

[Hossfly72]

Imagine if you will me and my dad in a Cessna 172 on a REALLY hot summer day. I ripped one off and Dad heard it over the roar of the engine. Multi thousand hour pilot, been hijacked to Cuba, took off and landed with flat tires in a Dc-9 started freaking out because he thought we'd had some kind of structural failure and the plane was coming apart. Then the smell hit. That man was good at flying while holding a door open in 110mph wind, and grabbing maps to keep them from flying out!

 

[Famine]

When I was much younger to had to visit New Orleans and some of the more remote areas of Louisiana on a business trip, guided by a friend and native Cajun. It was my first time and I found to my delight that I truly enjoyed all the unique offerings he lead me to eat with the side benefit of producing prodigious amounts of foul, sulfated methane gas. It came that one afternoon as we rode the elevator up to our respective rooms I had the opportunity to present him with a fine sample in closed elevator what made the event truly special was that as we exited the elevator two fine southern ladies were waiting to enter and the last thing I heard as the door closed was 'OH MY GOD!' words that make me smile to this day. uke::yield: