I'm sorry Clay...

[MsChief]

...perhaps my story will lighten the mood, nothing like some good ole fashion self-deprecation.....

I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.
I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. The whole fuck.
The can said it had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they don't fucking tell you...
Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope
...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."
Oh yeah. I'm not even kidding.
So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not laundry or dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.
Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shit myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?
So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. Before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.
I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.
The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.
I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.
That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.
So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.
You fucking Pringle bastards.
The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.
Fucking Pringle bastards.
This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. It's real. Fuck Pringles.

Too fkn hilarious not to post in a more prominent spot.

Holy crap! (Pun intended) That was a good read to start the day. Now on too cleaning up that other mess...thanks for that boys!

I know it's not actually YOUR story, but still hilarious

 

[Stanley13]

And they let him decide who's Nuts?!!!

 

[FrankT]

Omg!!!

 

[Prince Caspian]

I have laughed so hard that I'm actually crying!!! That's a horrible story that's told so well.

 

[Hunkyfish]

Pucker Factor,,, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOOOOOOOO,,,,,,,,,,

 

[JohnAL]

Lmfao

 

[Seanpcola]

Note to self: Pringles make excellent gift ideas for the in-laws.

 

[Richard J.]

Laughing so hard I cant see the screen anymore. Wow.

RJ

 

[Seanpcola]

Reminds me of one that I put on another forum. Got it in an email. I'll post it in a new thread.

 

[Hossfly72]

I laughed so hard I also "sharted" a bit.. The wife darn near peed herself!

 

[gunnerxxx]

Oh My God........... LOL!

 

[Donkey_McWedges]

:hail: we're not worthy, we're not worthy :hail:

 

[TraderDan]

And they let him decide who's Nuts?!!!

I'm with you on that one Stan, I believe he may have found the white coat in the broom closet and just posein' as the doc.

 

[ilintner]

Jesus man... that is hilarious. I eat those all the time without ill effects... just one can did that to you?!

 

[FrankT]

Sorry he is not answering, I gave him a tube of Pringles earlier marked as Lays...LOL

 

[Clay]

I'm here, just laughing in the bleachers.....

 

[Ben Ghazi]

on the other hand !

you may have stumbled across a new detergent resistant super lubricant that can be marketed for many industrial uses.
try some on an AR15 BCG and see if it runs smoother and resist fowling.
you can claim it is the gun powder that makes it smell like $hit

 

[Seanpcola]

Maybe Clay's ass has invented the new cosmoline?

 

[FUPAGUNT]

Holy shit dude I had to read this again, the wife about pissed herself...